Less than 2 weeks to go before Syawal. Here are some tips on how you can get to do your not-so-last minute shopping, and at the end of it, emerge out of Bazaar Geylang, or any area in Geylang Serai in 1 piece.

1. Stroll along, holding hands with at least 3 family members while window shopping at Bazaar Geylang.

2. When stepping into the bake-stuff shop at Haig Road, rope in your son, your husband, your mother & whichever relative you think deserves it. Get them to hold the basket & follow you from behind so it's easy for you to deposit your shopping materials.

3. SMS profusely when you are walking. No need to look at what you step, coz rest assured, you'll have the right of way.

4. To avoid the human traffic jam, come early, say around 4 am & wait by the roadside. The moment you see the carpet-sellers peek for sunlight, rush in. The sellers are all awake & are ready to market their goods.

5. Wear something skimpy. It gets really hot in there.

6. Stop & pause for as long as you want when you spot a dress you like. Better still, stand in the middle of the aisle & point to the thing that caught your eye.

7. When you're trying to get across from Geylang to Joo Chiat Complex, just dash through. Ignore frustrated drivers who have been unable to inch forward for the last 13 minutes. (This works especially well after buka, around 8-ish pm).

8. If you're too tired or lazy to walk, hop in your car, get your brother, sister or hubby or wife, to park at the side of Geylang Serai while you hunt for that one thing that you really need. Take as long as you want. The world can wait while your family car obstructs traffic.

9. If you really need to, bring a stroller/pram & push it around while your toddler trots along infront of you. Better still, get your toddler to navigate her/his pram.

10. If you've carried out tips 1-9, and you still get bumped into, or see signs of not getting out of Geylang in 1 piece, turn to yr side, or behind & tell off the person you see. Best line to say, "Main langgar oraaaangggg ajeeeee eh??!!"

These tips are also applicable if you decide to explore Geylang on the eve of Hari Raya, at your own risk.