I bought this supposedly anti-stress CD to calm my nerves when the going gets really tough at work. To my dismay, the CD brought more stress to me - full of loud piano sounds. Urgh. Should've listened to it before I bought it at $10 last Saturday.

Anyway I learnt 2 things today:

Ignorance is bliss, which translates to, what you don't know won't hurt you.

What you have, is just a loan from Him, and He can take it away from you anytime He wishes.

I found out something prematurely today and I felt so disappointed, cheated, to the point of being disgusted. This has nothing to do with AH, btw. It was about something unfair, that
concerned me & erm...my rice bowl?

I felt really annoyed the moment that thought sunk into me. So annoyed that I just didn't want to go back to work, and took the day off in the afternoon. Like I mentioned in past posts, this week has been realllly REAllly bad for me. I have zero enthusiasm for work. I hate work so much this week. I just don't want to go to work and I wish I can just stay at home and mope around. But of course, I still want to go shopping, and if I want to do that often, I'll need to work. Tsk.

By the time I got up from the quick nap, I sorta got over that premature piece of info I received. I still like my job & I suppose how I related to the individuals I work with matters more than anything else at work; definitely more than the stupid rat races at work. More than how everyone's so obssessed about complying with isostandards and how we appear to others.

Then I flipped my phone & went through the smses I've received & still kept. And by Allah's will, my fingers clicked on this one:

Ms ******, I didn't get a chance to say thanks. But now I want to say thank you. U support me in many ways. If nt because of u & ****, I may not be schooling a year ago. Thank u so much.

And that made my heart go all warm (despite the grammatically incorrect sms language). Who cares if no one bothers about what I do? At least I know I've made a difference to someone's life, even if it was just 1 person.

I still keep that sms. It keeps me going when work just becomes a whirlwind of mess sometimes.

With AH's advice, I'll take that piece of info today as a test from Him. There's a reason why it's happening as He knows best.

****

On the way home from the movie on Monday, Mak told me that God has put us in various positions to see how we react. (I imagined us humans to be little plastic dolls on a table soccer game) Some has more power, some has less. Those with power definitely have a choice to throw their weight about when dealing with the weaker ones. But of course, less points will be given (in fact, deducted) if you abuse yr authority.

So that's why when working with people, we should never ever look at them condescendingly, coz you might get hit in the face yourself some day. It's tough but I really want to try my best. I may have more than them, but if Allah takes away what He has loaned to me, then who am I to say I'm better than any of the people I work with?

I feel like rambling more, but it's late and I really should get to bed. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. May He grant us with patience & strength to get through the challenges that await, insya-Allah.